Writer on the Move: Phone Home

The Cousins Visit

Tisha B’Av, which is observed by fasting and rituals of mourning, such as sitting low to the ground and refraining from comforts such as bathing and clean clothes, not only recognizes the destruction of the Temples but also bemoans the lack of achdus, or unity, among the Jewish people.

Before we left Philadelphia, a group of family and friends gathered in our apartment to say goodbye and to help with the last, messy parts of moving. They loaded the car, cleaned the kitchen, cared for the baby, and helped us part with a few more things in order to fit us all (husband, baby, two cats, and myself) in the car. My brother and future sister-in-law bravely dosed the cats with over the counter calming chews. In the summer heat, all of this can only be considered acts of love and kindness.

While I believe we made the right decision, that does not take away the sadness of the physical distance we are creating. I am notoriously bad at keeping in touch with people. The phone has often been a tool to induce guilt instead of a way to keep lines of communication open. In order to make this move not only an easier transition than past moves, but also not to lose those we so fiercely love, I considered a few strategies to stay in touch.

1. Public Weekly Updates. A friend of mine who made aliyah (moved to Israel) two years ago writes a weekly email about the week’s adventures and her upcoming Shabbat plans. She sends the email to nearly everyone in her address book and includes pictures and notes of who is visiting. For myself, a weekly update on Facebook makes more sense than an email, but the idea is the same: a line of communication which includes regular updates and gives friends a chance to respond with their own updates. Already, I have been posting weekly photos of the baby. Now, I will be making the post more robust information about our lives.
2. Phone call appointments. When I was in college, a Sunday never went by without calling home to my parents. If I had ever forgotten, my parents would have been calling the authorities to send them searching for me. An appointment, recorded on the calendar in my iPhone, to call friends at an agreed upon time will help me to keep in touch. Like an appointment to see the doctor, it becomes something not to be missed or rescheduled, a fixed time to be protected. Psychologically, seeing it on the calendar is not only a reminder of making the phone call, but an actual imperative.
3. Regular blog posts about our new adventures, including the return to teaching and transition to a new home. Writing has always been a way for me to process things. As Flannery O’Connor said, “I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” Through writing about our new life, I will be able to share with others while unpacking the experience for myself.
4. Skype with the (Grand)Rents. Our daughter will undoubtedly know and see her grandparents in person, but that is not enough for her or her grandparents. Being able to see her grow up will be a comfort for her grandparents, as well.

On Tisha B’Av, we mourn a Temple that no one alive has seen. We mourn the loss of unity of an entire people that no one alive has experienced. This year, I mourn a place I loved and closeness to many family and friends. I am blessed to have had the opportunity to have experienced such love, and to continue to experience such love, though now from a distance. Next year, may we celebrate in Jerusalem.