When my husband and I found out we were pregnant, I was excited and felt enormously blessed. I was not, however, ready to make a huge Facebook announcement. For many reasons, including the fact that most people wait until eleven or twelve weeks in to tell people, when the first trimester is over and there is significantly less risk of losing the baby, I was not ready to make any revelations to the general public. We did not tell anyone until we heard the heartbeat and had an ultrasound picture of our little blob before we even shared with immediate family.
So when morning sickness kicked me squarely in the gut, I was still not ready to tell close friends, and certainly not prepared to write an office-wide memo. In addition to trying to make it through the work day with my dignity, I was also trying to make it until 5:00 PM without revealing the pregnancy. Not so easy, and I am not sure how successful I was. But I did learn a few tricks, both by experience and through friends and family. If you have been pregnant before, you probably have your own tricks. If you have not, my first tip is: realize that you have no idea. I thought I was prepared, but the nausea, exhaustion, and mood swings were more intense than my imagination could conjure. If there is one person who has already had a baby to whom you can speak early on, it will save you a lot of Googling and “Is this normal?” anxiety.
1, Find something that calms your stomach, and bring it with you everywhere. My coworker recommended Preggie Pops, which helped, but I found that I needed something stronger, and Ginger Extreme hard candies worked (for a few minutes). For other people, it’s peppermint or ginger tea. Whatever alleviates the nausea or vomiting, carry it with you, in your pocket, preferably, because you might not be at your desk when the feeling that your stomach is going to explode out of your mouth hits. During more than one team meeting, I was relieved to pull out a hard candy rather than sprinting to the garbage can.
2. Understand that you are not going to have any energy, and compensate. You can fight the exhaustion as hard as you’d like, and I tried. In college, I pulled all-nighters regularly, and when not pregnant, I sleep an average of five hours a night. During my first trimester, five hours easily became twelve hours whenever I could make it home by 6:00 PM. Knowing that your brain and body are going to move more slowly, try to plan for this. If your mornings tend to be most productive, work on your important projects then, and save email or other tasks that require less energy and concentration for the afternoon. If your job is flexible, come in earlier and leave earlier, if mornings are better, and the opposite if later in the day you feel more human.
3. If there is any food you can eat, eat it. I felt guilty for a little bit because the only thing that I could keep in my belly was carbs: potato chips, french fries, and if I was feeling really good, pizza. I wanted to want to eat vegetables, proteins, and fruit, but I could not stomach it. Before the pregnancy, I had been eating plain yogurt with frozen fruit for breakfast, and during my first trimester, just the sight of the plain yogurt made my stomach rebel. As my midwife told me, the first trimester is survival. So, if crackers make you feel better, keep them at your desk, and eat them. The first trimester (and morning sickness) only lasts a few weeks, so do what you can to make it through the work day and get your work done with the contents of your stomach still inside your stomach.
4. Be prepared for co-workers’ comments. Most of us know that you never ask if a woman is pregnant, or comment on her pregnancy unless she says something first. Those of us who did not have parents who taught us this very important social lesson probably learned on our own--by asking someone who had put on a bit of weight if she was pregnant. Mortifying, for both people involved. For some reason, this still does not stop people from commenting. So, when you are not yet ready to tell people, have something prepared to say to these well-meaning co-workers. Here are some suggestions of what to say if a co-worker asks if you’re pregnant:
No.
Not that I know of.
No, why do you ask?
Just a few too many tacos.
Are you suggesting that I need to go to the gym?
Are these pants too tight? They looked fine this morning.
You are under no obligation to tell the truth, nor are you required to smile or be completely polite. The person asking, though well-meaning, is not being polite. Your first responsibility is to you and your baby, and if you are not ready to tell people, certainly don’t tell the nosy ones.
5. Take frequent walks away from your desk. If the beginning of your pregnancy is anything like mine, you will experience unnerving, barely controllable mood swings that range from desperate weeping to screaming rage. Neither of these is appropriate for work. Do yoga at home, sleep as much as you can, and practice calming breathing exercises. Once you are at work, if you feel your mood crashing one way or another, get up out of your seat, and go for a walk. I took many trips to the restroom before I actually needed to go every twenty minutes. Go to the mailroom or the supply closet or the vending machine, if it helps you to relax. If the weather’s nice, take a lap around the building, or just walk to your car and back. It is better to step away for a second than to burst into tears or scream at your boss or an employee. Of course, if someone sees a few tears, it’s not the end of the world, but if you can save yourself, get up and walk away for a minute.
Remember: it’s all for a good purpose. If you are pregnant, you are a lucky woman. It will not mean the end of your career. When you are ready to tell people, the chances are that your work peeps will be very happy for you. Until then, give yourself the ease and comfort that you can.
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